I became obsessed with Yellowstone last winter. The first few episodes were a little rough, but once I made it past them, I was hooked. I was 5 seasons behind, so I had to do a lot of binge-watching to catch up.
I started the second week of December and would watch an episode right before bed. Most nights, I would fall asleep mid-episode and have to rewatch it the next day. This method wasn't working, so I had to get John hooked in order to binge-watch during the weekends. Somehow, I convinced him to watch an episode with me, which he enjoyed but was annoyed because he didn't know what was going on since he joined during the second or third season.
I had to start from season one in order for him to watch it with me. I really didn't have an issue with it except I was dying to get to the end. Every weekend for the next 5 weeks was spent watching Yellowstone, and "snacking". I vaguely remember being at work and him calling to ask me what happened with Jamie. I was livid after finding out he's been watching them without me!!
We finally got caught up but heard the rumors that Yellowstone wasn't going to come back out with another season. Like, what the heck, you can't just do that and leave your viewers hanging! At this point, I am hardcore hooked and need more episodes! This stuff is way too good to end the way it did. We need more!!
Finally, tonight the new season begins! I don't know if I'm excited for it, or broken because John and I watched it together. It's moments like this that make me miss him even more, and realize how unfair this world really is.
I did tell him last night that we were having a Yellowstone party and asked him to watch the new episode with me. He said he would, but he doesn't know if he gets the channel. Can you believe they have cable in prison? Blows my mind.
The daughters' significant others are here, and so is my older brother. I can't help but think that if John were home, he'd be celebrating with us, mainly for the food! My heart misses him. My mind can't handle changes like this. Every little thing that reminds me of him triggers me into an emotional frenzy. I am so tired of crying; I'm even more exhausted from acting like everything is normal when it's far from it.
Part of me hates life, but the other part is so incredibly thankful and grateful for all the blessings over the last 9 months. It's a reminder of how precious life is and how amazing God has been to me. A year ago I for sure thought I'd be in the psych ward.
As we gear up tonight anticipating the new episode, I kindly ask you all to remember the small things. Be grateful for the bad (negative) things, and pray for others who are struggling. So often we take the small things for granted. Every day I am reminded of how crappy life can be, and every day God shows up with a whisper that provides me with the strength to get through it. I miss him, I miss him terribly.
Be kind to others, always. Be grateful. Be humble.
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