Soulful Sunday

I woke up Sunday morning and still couldn't believe I was in Florida, oceanside. I instantly opened the doors from the master bedroom so I can see the sun rise from the balcony. The view was breathtaking. I gazed at the ocean and listened to the seagulls chirp before heading out for my morning coffee.

My daughters friend was the only one up early with me, so we decided to walk the beach before it got over crowded. I was still big into working out so anything I planned I made sure it involved walking. We walked a mile that morning and collected seashells along the way, we were both kind of hoping the rest of the crew would be up when we got back so they didn't waste the beautiful weather sleeping. My girls were the only one's still in bed!

I made my morning coffee and was torn between the beach and the pool. I know, I'll do both. I'll spend my morning at the pool and after lunch i'll go the beach. That seemed to be the best option. I got my bathingsuit on, grabbed my sun screen and tanning oil and headed down to the pool. I decided to leave my phone in the condo so I wasn't distracted by social media. I know me and I'd spend my time at the pool scrolling through the "book".

My GF and I laid out by the pool for a few hours, laughing and gossiping about the latest news. It was 1:00p and I haven't seen the girls come down at all, so I decided to go up and check on them. My GF stayed at the pool soaking in the rays.

When I got back to the condo the girls were sitting in the kitchen area eating and laughing. I asked if they were ever going to come outside and they all said "yesss mom chill we just woke up". Not much changes while on vacation. I go in my room to get my phone and I have several missed calls from one of JM's good friend. I check facebook and I have a message that says "call me now". I check the time on the calls/messages and they were from 30 min ago.

I call the friend back and he sounds panicked. He said "are you sitting down", in which I chuckled and said "no". He said "you're gonna wanna sit down for this", so I did. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed facing the ocean. I said "what's up". His response "John just shot ---". I remember laughing because there was no human way possible that John would ever be capable of shooting any one. His response, "I'm dead serious it just happened so it hasn't hit the news yet but call his son". I told the friend I wasn't calling any one because I didn't believe him.

If you knew this friend you'd know he is quite the prankster. I assumed he was trying to get me escalated to ruin my vacation, in which it didn't work. I had just talked to John the night before and he was perfectly fine. The friend then asked me to meet him at the house in which I told the friend I was in Florida. He said "seriously, I didn't know I'm sorry". I kept arguing with him that it was a joke and the friend was F'in with me, until three minutes later and the friend sends me the update from WKBN. My heart sank!

I don't remember how the call ended but I remember walking back down to the pool hysterical, my GF was swimming. I stood over her and she looked at me with panic in her voice and said "what's wrong"! I said "John shot ---". The look on her face, was identical to mine. She jumped out of the pool and sat on the lounge chairs next to me. I was trying to piece every thing together, check facebook for updates and google search the local stations. The one article labeled it as a "drive-by shooting". Another article "man open fires in broad daylight".

This can't be true, this isn't John at all. He isn't wreckless, especially if children are around. There is absolutely no possible way this happened, there just isn't. The GF and I are trying like hell to figure out what happened, in the meantime my phone is non-stop from people back home who had just heard the news. I am instantly sick at this point and wanting to come home. I am desperate to come home.

I spent the next hour searching for the earliest flight back home. Sadly, every airline overcharges for last minute flights, and I wasn't paying $600 for a single ticket. I talked to a few of his friends and his son took care of every thing. It was almost pointless for me to go home, there was nothing I could do, but I was miserable in Florida.

I was glued to my phone that day, hoping and praying he'd call me but realizing there was a slim chance that he would. It's 5pm and my phone rang, it actually said "jail call". I answered immediately and it's MY JM. He is panicked, and the first thing he said was "I'm sorry". My response was "wtf for what". It was a quick call as the deputy allowed him to make it from booking. He told me he would call me back once he was settled, and he did.

He is hysterical on the phone and can't formulate a thought or sentence. I try asking what happened and he said "I don't know I remember being hit and going down". He said "all I was doing was picking up my daughter and grandson for chili dogs and I don't know what happened". I continued to ask him questions and all he could repeat was "I don't remember I don't know". One thing about John, that I've realized over the last five years was that he remembers everything. Everything!

I tried to calm him down the best I could but I was just as panicked. I knew working in the mental health field that you can't push/pressure someone who has just experienced trauma. I quit grilling him and spoke words of encouragement instead. He called me every single day 10x a day and as he calmed down throughout the calls, I'd ask questions.

Babe, what do you remember? He said "I got out of my car and he was coming after me, I fired my gun and I remember being hit in the head". His memory of the incident didn't line up with the video (yes there is a full blown video from the time he left the house to the time of HIS 911 call). I didn't want to talk much as I knew we were on a recorded line and anything we'd say they'd use against him. So I kept it to a minimum.

I spent the rest of my vacation searching for an attorney. The local one I really wanted was Ingram, however they never returned my call. A family friend referred us to another local attorney and we retained him for the arraignment and preliminary hearing. I'm not entirely sure what John signed during the initial hearing, but it was that moment I realized we were being screwed.

His bond, without any evidence was set at a million dollars. Come TF on. After the first hearing the magistrate dropped it down to half a million, and guess what? John was out the next day. His friends and acquaintances put up the half mill by using their houses and businesses as collateral. This "murder" who did a "drive-by" shooting was able to come up with $500,000 from people in the community, people who didn't even associate with him like that put up their businesses.

I, unfortunately wasn't able to pick him up from the jail as several death threats were sent out to family and friends. As much as I love him, I'm a single mom with two girls to raise. Plus I'm a borderline coward! John was advised by his attorney and the courts not to stay at home. The threats had already circulated to the courts and prosecutors and it was best John go into hiding for a little bit. No joke, this is crap I see on TV, not in real life and certainly not my life.

I met him at a friends house and he's hysterical. I was kind of hesitant on going near him because of the trauma but he started crying and said "no please come here". He gave me the biggest, most genuine hug he has ever given and said "I think I have PTSD" and sobbed on my shoulders. My heart was broken for him. Utterly broken.

I know damn well he had PTSD. Our first conversation, during our first date was "I can never be responsible for killing another living breathing thing". I knew this was going to destroy him, and for the next two years...it did.