I'm going to try like heck to get through this post without shedding a tear, so bear with me. I've been emotional lately and I can't figure out why.
I am still obsessing over the video. It's so mind blowing to me the things we all missed. I decided to send it to a few of John's friends with a message that said "watch it at normal speed then slow it down". Those of his people who showed every day to trial missed the video when it was being played due to the placement of it. They were only able to go off of what the news shared, and my gosh does it scream "false".
I got a phone call shortly after from one of his friends. We discussed the video and how wild it was compared to what the news kept showing. I stayed away from the news during trial so I missed all of the articles and updates. His friend sent me one from youtube and I watched it Friday night. We, as a society need to wake up! The news does NOT report factual information. The sooner we realize that, the sooner our economy will grown.
We picked apart the difference of the videos and said "how was he found guilty of murder". Your guess is as good as mine. I'll never understand it, but he was failed.
We then talked about his OD while in the MCJ. I mentioned in another post that I knew almost instantly that something bad happened, but didn't get it confirmed until the next morning. I talked to a few of his friends that morning to let them know what happened and a few hours later I got a call from someone saying they were in court that Friday and overheard a deputy talking to another man in plain clothing. She said the deputy said "we didnt know he had heart problems we thought it was an OD but it was a heart attack".
You know how rumors start, right? I fell for this one and instantly contacted the VINDY to let them know their article had false information. The writer for the VINDY instantly called me back but I missed the call. Thank gosh I did because the next day (Saturday) is when I got the ACTUAL report. For those of you know me, know I can admit when I am wrong. I fell victim to the dreaded rumors that were circulating around town. Stupid girl.
I kept getting updates from my people on the inside. It was Friday morning I learned John was unresponsive on a vent. I was heart broken, but ultimately knew this was going to happen. I had a million things running through my head. I remember ending up in a parking lot down town just sobbing. I was driving around aimlessly with my thoughts consuming me.
I yelled, screamed, and begged God not to do this. Do not let him go out like this, he deserves better. For the next three days I walked around like a zombie. I have very little recollection of what I did those three days, but I know praying was one of them. If what the news reported was true, John was unresponsive for an unknown amount of time. My biggest fear was brain activity if he did survive this.
Fastforward to day 5. John is now sitting up drinking water and requesting ice chips. Thats a huge sign. He had some kidney and heart issues but no reports of cognitive issues. God is good. On day 7 John was discharged and sent back to the MCJ. Keep in mind, I called them every other day to get updates and due to HIPAA I was given very little information.
A little after a month we were able to get our first visit at the MCJ. John looked defeated, sick, mentally, physically, and emotionally. It killed me seeing him like that and it added fuel the fire within me. I knew I had to fight for this man, like no one has ever fought before.
I always wondered who found John, and what happened when they did. I'm a detailed kinda person, I want to know everything. When John was transfered to his "parent" instituation we discussed that day (February 28th). He told me when he got back to jail the guy in the cell next to him told him "dude you were blue the deputy did CPR for awhile but inititally gave up because you were gone". This guy then said "a nurse came over and said we're not done and gave him narcan". I believe 6 doses later they revived him enough to transport him to the local hospital.
I got chills hearing this story. The fact that John was blue and unresponsive for an unknown amout of time, with NO brain damage is only possible because of GOD! The little elderly nurse who refused to give up after the deputy exhausted herself by performing CPR is a MIRACLE from.....GOD! My begging and pleading for God to allow him to survive this, is the REASON I am going as strong as I am, with the FAITH I have.
I am the epitome of lost sheep. When things don't go right in my life, or I've experienced trauma and heartache, I automatically lose my faith and take it out on God. I was born and raised in church, but as I got older and things kept happening I eventually lost my place and went elsewhere. I lost touch with God and my life was an utter disaster.
I rekindled my relationship with him in my early 30's when I was at my rock bottom. I cried out to him and he delivered within days. It was that moment, I knew he was real and loved me. I was in an out of church but not truly devoted. I prayed on occasion but it was always for the "bad" in my life, I never thanked him for the good.
When I got that phone call in July about John I prayed every day that the truth would come out, but I never made my way back to church. I spent my Sunday's sleeping in, or picking up OT at work. I believed, but I always thought my prayers were enough!
John was shipped out of MCJ a few days after sentencing and brought to CRC. He went through three days of an extensive assessment, which included mental and physcial checks. He was placed back on suicide watch for a few weeks to make sure he had no other attempts. He was able to make a phone call to let me know he was "okay" and that he was at CRC but wouldn't be able to use the phone for awhile. All I remember from that phone call was "I'm okay, I'm okay".
A few weeks later John was given phone priviledges and brought into gen pop where he adjusted well. From my understanding he would be at CRC for a few months before transfering to his "parent" institution. We were told he would be leveled at a 3/4 and sent to Mansfield. While mansfield isn't the worst, it certaintly isn't the best for someone in John's condition.
The three day assessment he did at the beginning would determine his level. I prayed again that John would be leveled low and sent some where he would be able to adjust at. A few weeks go by and John calls me on a Friday to tell me he was level 2 and going to Belmont. I was thrilled about the level, but didn't know anything about Belmont. I did two days of homework and researching trying to find out every thing and anything on Belmont. From what I read and what others told me, Belmont was infiltrated with drugs. This was definitely not a place I felt comfortable knowing John was going to.
That weekend I got myself back into church and begged God not to send him there. I prayed and pleaded with God. My exact words "I will surrender if you protect this man, please Lord I need him safe". I got the phone call Sunday night that John was being shipped out to Belmont in the morning. I was sick and had a hard time sleeping that night.
I knew he wouldn't be able to call for a few days because he had to go through a similar assessment at Belmont. I just prayed every second that he was okay. I finally got a call early Tuesday morning (6am). He said "just wanted to call real quick to let you know I made it and it's fine". I remember crying on the phone but trying to hold back because I didn't want him to worry about me. He only had a few minutes to talk and it was mainly to tell me he was okay. Right before we say "good-bye", he says "oh wait I'm not at Belmont I'm at Noble". No lie, I cried tears of joy! I was amazed, stunned, and thankful that my God showed up again!
That week I had a conversation with God and told him I would obey, make mistakes, but ultimately surrender if he continued to shield us. I haven't missed a week of church since. Listen to me very carefully. I am NOT one to persuade anyone into religious beliefs, however, when I tell you that God has protected me and continuously shown me MIRACLES and blessings, I'm not exaggerating.
Six weeks ago my oldest was sitting outside late at night with some of her friends. It was a Saturday night and I went out to say "hi" to everyone before heading to bed. I explained to them that I had to get up early for church the next morning and that I'm OLD and need my sleep. I encouraged them all to go and explained the benefits of giving their life to God. Above all else, I encouraged them to pray. Pray when things go bad, pray when things are good. Ask for guidance in tough situations, and thank him for the blessings. They said "okay", and I went to bed.
The next morning I woke my oldest up to ask if she was coming, and to my suprise she joined me. We walked into church and I opted for the furthest pew in the back. Tori and I sat there waiting for mass to start and I looked over my left shoulder, and three of her friends joined us. Guess what? They haven't missed a mass since I asked them to join that Saturday night!!
Like most people I've experienced a lot of heartache and trauma. I've failed in life so many times. I've been bitter and hateful for most of it. I, without doubt thought this whole ordeal would have landed me in the psych ward. I forsure didn't think I would survive the "guilty" verdict, but here I am five months in fighting the biggest battle I've ever faced.
My girls, family, and friends have been amazing. John's friends have become family, and God continues to show up in our darkest moments. I will always give him the glory, and I will continue to tell anyone who wants to hear my testimony! I will forever be grateful to him! Although life is still wild and we have a lot of wars to win, I am hopeful God will get us through it. Prayer wins battles, and I will continue to fight for the unjust John has served.
"It's like it was yesterday, I was praying for a miracle, scared to have a little hope and now looking back today, seeing all the things you've done, I can't even add them up. One, two, three up to infinity I'd run out of numbers before I could THANK YOU for everthing. God I'm still counting my blessings all that you've done in my life. The more that I look in the details, the more of your goodness I find".
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