Praise

My gosh has it been a week. Since the episodes aired last Thursday, I've been on overdrive with getting things done, or at least trying to. My emotions have been heightened, one minute I'm okay and the next it's like a volcano of tears. I'm running on 6 hours of sleep in the last 8 days and I'm almost positive my body is shutting down (I'm dramatic I know).

I was defeated Sunday night, I was sad. I watched the episodes again just so I could hear him laugh. He's the biggest DORK, I swear!

I said my prayers per usual but this time I begged God to give me something. "Please point me in the right direction where do I start, what do I need to focus on". I cried out to him asking for some type of sign. I put my bible app on so I could listen to the chapters, and I fell asleep. I actually drifted away peacefully.

I woke up four times that night, from a dead sleep. I didn't have to go to the bathroom, I wasn't uncomfortable, nothing. I just woke up. Each time I woke up I heard "the lies", "the tongue and words they speak", "do not retaliate God is watching" "be patient".

The first time I woke up it was the "lies" that caught my attention. I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. The second time I heard "the tongue and words". I was awake but not long enough to grab the phone and look at the chapter. Third and fourth time I rolled over, grabbed my phone and read the Chapters. I took screen shots of the section in the bible and the meaning of the verse. This way I could remember in the morning. I went back to bed and woke up in the most refreshed, calming manor I've had since trial.

I went to work with a positive outlook, I mentioned this to a co-worker and told him "I asked for a sign, and he delivered". My co-worker said, "I don't consider that a sign". I looked at him crazy and said, "well I do". He laughed a little and said, "no that's him speaking to you, that's how he communicates". Wait, what!!!! I said, "oh my gosh that's right he does speak to us". It's like hidden messages and we have to determine what it is. Sometimes we nail it, and others we look right past it.

I went to bed Monday doing the same thing. "God please shield and protect John. Place your hand over his heart and heal it physically. I ask that you ease his mind, give him comfort and bring him calmness". I go on but this is a majority of my prayer. I worry about his health and whether or not he'll survive long enough for me to fight for him. I woke up the next morning earlier than I usually do, no alarm!

I laid in bed for a little bit and said, "I have to go to church this morning". I laid there until it was time to get ready. I got my dunkin and went to church. I sat in my car for a few minutes texting a co-worker to let her know I was going to church. I looked at Facebook, my email, and cleared things I didn't need. I left my phone in the car and walked into church early.

I hit my knees hard while waiting for mass to start. I prayed for everyone. My family, friends, enemies (they aren't to me, but I know how they feel about me), and of course John. I'm still defeated because I'm doing this solo and blind. Am I making the right decisions, am I focusing on the important stuff. I don't know, I truly have no clue.

I beg God to please give us one saving Grace, one miracle. At this point I'm just asking for protection and guidance. The whole pass I spent just praying. When it was over I ran to my car so I can head to work. I grabbed my cell phone so I could put my tunes on and the first thing I saw was a message from a criminologist that said "Hi, have your Attorney email me". I sat in my car and sobbed, thanking God again for hearing my screams!

John's negative, and while I don't blame him it truly affects how I feel, act, and move. I can't take it. I'm running out of "positive" things to tell him, and even if we have a SMALL win, he never sees it that way. It's draining.

Nonetheless, we keep moving. Keep praying, and keep believing that ONE person on the bench can see how unjust this trial was. One person to speak up and say "no this was wrong". All it takes is ONE to go against the majority, ONE to save his life. With God any thing is possible. With prayer, miracles happen every day. Keep praying! God's listening and he's moving.

"With man it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible"

Mark 10:27