I'm not exaggerating when I say I have a sixth sense. I swear God gave me a gift of predicting things. Like the brief and response brief, I was getting ready for bed one night and something told me to check the docket. I jumped up, got the laptop and searched.We had three postings under the appeal. The first one was the schedule for oral arguments. Holy crap, I can't believe we're here! I was instantly overwhelmed with emotions. No one tells you that all the feelings from the trial flood like a river when you're going for an appeal. Those same emotions I had during trial that I fought to bury deep within have suddenly emerged from the depths of my soul, and I don't like it.
One minute I'm grateful it's scheduled, the next I'm questioning why it went so quickly. Part of me thinks if it took longer, the outcome would be better. I don't know, I either watch too many criminal shows, or my mind and way of thinking is totally deranged. Either way, it's scheduled. I've read our brief, the prosecutor's response, and our rebuttal. I can't help but think, "Is this real life? Is this how it works with criminals?"
I said this before, I had to read our initial brief twice before I fully grasped what we were arguing. I was kind of hoping we'd have more than two arguments, but that's all we submitted. Clearly, I have NO law degree, no court experience, or criminal history. This is all foreign to us, so I'm kind of just researching as I go.
The second time I read our brief, I was like, "Whoa, how can anyone not side with us?" Then I read the prosecutor's for the first time, and my heart sank. I was instantly defeated and knew this wasn't going to go well. I took some time off from the case but revisited it a week later. I read their response again, and this time it hit differently.
I don't know if it's because I was more focused and alert, or if I just didn't understand things the first time. The second time I read it, I was disgusted. They are literally repeating the same LIES that were told under oath by their witnesses. They made sure to exaggerate on the LIES to make it look better, but any educated person in criminal law can see right through it, or so I assume.
Will they see through the lies and cover-up? After all, we had 12 members of our peers who couldn't see through the lies. Why will the appellate court be any different? By the time I finished reading all 35 pages of their fictional beliefs of the incident that happened, I was confused. To me, it felt as if they used generic arguments for every appeal they come across and changed the "storyline" to fit the case. I strongly encourage you guys to read it under the docket.
I came to this conclusion after looking up other appeals in Mahoning County. The few that I came across were handled by the same prosecutor. So I checked the docket to look at the response brief and "bam," they were similar. Even the references were the same. It's as if they have certain sources they use for "murder" charges, other sources for "drug trafficking," and different ones for "rape." I can't even pretend to know the process, but what I do know is that it's without a doubt a generic response.
I waited a week for our rebuttal to be published. I read it multiple times, and I'm amazed at the difference. I felt hopeful before going to bed that night, thankful that this might be his saving grace. I woke up the next morning and felt totally different. I felt helpless, confused, angry, scared, and anxious.
You know the odds of getting an appeal at the state level? It's around 20%, and your argument better be on point with the references you used for the judges to consider ruling in your favor. While I believe our arguments are strong and well-cited, this is Mahoning County, the land of the corrupt. This alone makes me sick.
Sometimes I wish I had a large sum of money hidden in the backyard so I could slide it to someone in the courthouse. I often wonder if we would have been better off taking a deal, but then I am stuck on the fact that absolutely no one has morals or values anymore. Why admit guilt when you aren't guilty? Would I have done the same thing if I were in his situation? Would I have reacted the same way if I were going to pick up my daughters from David's house?
All these thoughts flood this half-working brain every single second of the day. I cannot express this enough: always stand up for yourself and what you believe and know. Do NOT cower because it doesn't fit the script. Follow your heart, defend yourself by any means possible. Be the outcast!
If I were ever in a situation where I had to protect my girls and myself, you better believe I am always defending my girls. My life or yours, better believe I'm fighting until my limbs are ripped from my body. If my girls are in danger, all bets are off. I just don't understand the logic of other parents. How do your kids not come first? Your grandkids? Bizarre to me.
So here we are, 7 weeks away from oral arguments, and John is an utter mess. The depression isn't being controlled in prison, and he can't adjust at all. I am instantly annoyed and lose patience when listening to him. I can't imagine what he's going through; it's a nightmare relived every day. Defeated is an understatement. I need prayers. We need prayers.
Psalms 16:5: "You, LORD, are all I have, and you give me all I need; my future is in your hands
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