Motown

I spent 4 years single as a pringle, the depression was r.e.a.l. I managed to gain 60+ lbs. after my last relationship so my self-worth/confidence were non-existent. I constantly picked myself apart. I did absolutely nothing for myself. A late-night trip to Walmart with a girlfriend was my excitement for the week.

I spent my days working and my nights running with my girls' extracurricular activities. We ran from dance class to cheer practice, basketball games, to open gyms for softball. We stayed busy, yet somehow the scale's number kept getting higher. I often joked with co-workers and friends stating, "I have no clue how I'm this fat when I have ZERO time to eat a meal". I guess all the snacking caught up to me, by the end of 2014 I was a two-ton Theresa struggling to walk!

That December (2014) I decided to get dressed up and go to the bar with a good friend of mine. Even though I hated going out. I never had anything to wear, and I always looked like a bowling ball. Whatever, I went. We're sitting at a booth, and someone convinced me to order their famous "trash can". It was made with 8/10 different liquors but was supposed to be amazing! Other patrons even said, "oh the trash can, you'll be done after one". As I'm finishing my first trash can, in walks a guy I use to be madly obsessed with! I was introduced to him in 2005 (in the midst of my kid's father BS) and managed to ruin that relationship by doing the unthinkable! Last time I saw him was maybe 2009, in which he absolutely despised me!

He came in, said Hi to us and offered to buy me us a drink. I ended up going for a second trash can and by the end of the night......well, you can use your imagination. We continued to meet up every weekend for several months, and by the 3rd and 4th month I found myself absolutely head over heels for him, yet again. It was fun, exciting, and adventurous. I was shocked that he forgave me all those years ago and hopeful to start something new. Ehhh, jokes on me!

Month five and he became distant. I happened to go through his phone one night and saw several text messages from another woman. A woman he was meeting with weekly, yet still in bed with me. I am well-aware that I shouldn't have gone through his phone, not that I regret doing it, but I do regret breaking that trust! We eventually faded out and almost instantly she moved in with him. I often wondered if that was his way of destroying me for what I did to him in 2005. I don't think he ever forgave me for that, and I don't blame him.

I am back to being heart-broken, depressed, and miserable. I either know how to pick them, or I am a "fixer", or probably both! I've always told people I loved two men my whole life. My kids' father, and this guy. While I played a part in both relationships, the heartache that came with it was unbearable. I didn't know how to love myself after that.

I refused to open up to another man, so I spent the next four years doing the same thing I did before re-connecting with this old friend. I focused on my career and my baby girls. This time, I wasn't allowing another man to break me.