I sent out 12 letters Sunday night to different organizations to spread John's story. With A&E covering the documentary I am trying to get as much recognition as I can.
I posted on Facebook for the first time in a few weeks. I mentioned how 6 months ago I thought I'd be in the psych ward and how I owe everything to God. I'm not as faithful or dedicated as I should be, but I'm working on it.
John has been struggling tremendously with his faith. A few weeks ago, I thought we were making progress but turns out the devil has him tight and he's having a difficult time breaking free. It doesn't matter what I say or how I say it, he's giving up.
I was on the phone with him yesterday when I heard some guy come into his dorm and start yelling "I'm fight you, and then I'm fight him, and you're all done". John was lying in bed and instantly sat up and said, "why what did I do". The guy just kept repeating himself aiming his aggression towards John. John eventually walked up to him, and the phone disconnected.
Is this really what I need to worry about? Grown men acting like children over petty stuff? John ended up calling me back a few hours later but he sounded defeated. I asked him what happened earlier, and he played stupid. I said, "who was that guy who threatened you". He said, "what are you talking about". I said "babe, I was on the phone and heard everything". Quit trying to protect me!
Long story short, John's being too nice and "giving" while in there. I guess he bunks with a guy that doesn't have a lot of support, so he goes to John for food and needs. John's been giving him some stuff from his commissary but when dude started to expect it John cut him off. The guy created some story to other guys and next thing you know John has people after him.
I clearly know very little about the prison life, but I do know you have to stand up for yourself or you'll be targeted your whole time there. Unfortunately, John can't. If John is involved in any altercation while incarcerated, he'll get an automatic 3 years added on to his sentence. It was part of his sentencing, and a total bunch of crap!
If I didn't know any better, I'd say MCC are trying to kill him. Clearly just my opinion, and I'm bitter today so I'm going to talk crap! I don't know how to get John out of his funk or make him see the good God offers all the time. Every single time he challenges my beliefs with the negatives of his life, I sit in silence as he's ultimately right. Why was he dealt such a crappy card in life?
I've struggled in the past with my faith, especially after I had my miscarriage. I went full blown hateful for months, and even when I snapped out of it, I was still mad at God. It wasn't until this whole situation that brought me closer to him.
I sat in silence for a majority of our conversation last night. I just let him talk and express frustration over the situation. The advice I did offer, was once again shot down. Since I don't know how to help him with his faith, I relied on the only person I can count on for guidance. God!
I reached out to my prayer warriors to get added on their prayer chains, but God told me to do more. I couldn't figure out what more was until I busted out the laptop. I decided to write a heartfelt letter and send them to all the local churches. I just sent 47 letters out today. That's 59 letters sent to different advocacy groups, churches, and organizations to spread his story. Will it make a difference, not sure. I certainly won't stop advocating or fighting for the truth.
If anyone else is interested in writing some letters, let me know. Not just for John, but the thousands of incarcerated individuals who don't receive the proper medical. I am utterly amazed at what I've learned while on this journey. It's inhumane.
We are struggling and every time we feel we get a head the devil attacks! Please send those prayers!
Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
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