This wasn't my original post for tonight but while it's fresh on my mind I figured I'd discuss. It's obvious most of you think I'm c.r.a.Z.y and I'm okay with that. What I am doing, and who I am supporting isn't for everyone. I've always been told "it's best to remain quiet to keep people from gossiping", but that isn't who I am. If my chaotic life can help ONE person overcome dark days, mission accomplished!
I had no intentions of starting a blog, or posting on tiktok. Ask anyone close to me, I had every intentions on being in the psych ward when he got the guilty verdict. When I found out about his attempted suicide, I was approximately 3 minutes away from driving myself to the hospital to check in. I remember sitting in the living room going through his ring camera and rewinding it to the week before so I can see him and hear his voice.
I came across the both of us in the kitchen. He was cooking dinner and I was driving him nuts, I'm sure. We're infront of the counter talking, I could barely hear the conversation. We held each other after, and he kissed my forhead before going back to the rice that was on the stove. It was that video that destroyed me that night. That's when I told myself "RED it's time to go, just check yourself in and sleep for a few days".
I was trying to contain the tears, the girls were home and they worry about me (why I'll never understand). I sat for a few seconds and something told me to go back on the camera. As I was scrolling through to find a date I wanted to watch, the light bulb went off. I had JM's phone and had access to all his personal information! I logged into one of his accounts, while the prognosis wasn't good the doctor seemed hopeful.
I decided I was more important and useful on the outside, so the psych ward wasn't an option. I monitored that app religiously until he was discharged. No one was able to get updates on his medical condition. We had NO clue if he was alive, brain dead, or talking. All we knew was he was alert on day 1, but that night he coded and ended up in ICU on an incubator. We had no clue what happened. So for the next 3 days I was left creating scenario's in my head. Imagine what three days of creating stories does to the psyche.
The horrible things the news posted about his attempt, made things worse (for my mental), but when God gave me a few more minutes to sit still and figure it out, I knew he was protecting me! I knew he wanted me to fight for him, and in March that's exactly what I decided to do.
I've always been one to share my personal and professional stories. I'm honest and vocal about a lot of things, so blogging just made sense. I've said this in one of my first post, it's a coping technique for me. Sharing the most personal aspects of my life obviously comes with judgment and labels. I wouldn't expect anything less.
I was extremely disheartened today when a patient approached me and said "they talk about you megan, and it's not good things". The thing that bothered me the most, it bothered him more. He was genuinely sad for me! I tried explaining to him that people don't matter, and not every one has the same heart that we do. He said "you're a better person than me because that makes me angry". Nope, no my guy, I am not.
I don't get angry when people "whisper" in the halls, or give me the "look". I don't get angry when they discuss with other's the crap I am dealing with. What upsets me, is you are talking about my personal business, using MY name infront of people I tried protecting for two years. You're discussing MY personal matter in front of "strangers" not realizing those "strangers" know me. Didn't your parents ever teach you to not talk about others infront of people you don't know?
It's one thing to gossip about me with your friends or colleagues, but when you do it in the open with other ears around, it's extremely petty. I am not naive to the fact that I am being judged and talked about. Every one is going to have their own interpretation of the events at hand. I am not posting to persuade your opinion of me, or JM. I am posting to expose the truth and corruption, and if that makes me "delusional" so be it. Trust me, it's not the first time I've been called C.R.A.Z.Y.
Those of you who have followed this whole time, I hope you know I am open to any questions or thoughts you may have. It's an interesting case to follow, with a lot of misleading information. If I can answer any questions or clarify some confusion for you, I will gladly do my best.
I don't think I am biased in this situation even though most of you will disagree. I, however, have spent the last 5 years with the man and can honestly say he is NOT the vicious, malicious monster they are making him out to be. I refuse to defend him to any one, but I will advocate like heck to get his story out there. He deserves to have the truth told!
I posted a quote on my FB a few months ago, and it fits perfectly.
When you have a friend who is going through a personal storm, instead of being the weatherman and spreading the news, try being the umbrella and cover them with love.
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