Thanksgiving looked different this year. Our first major holiday spent in a prison visiting room, filled with families who don't get to have the traditional celebrations.
I would imagine this is the new norm. Not something I can ever get use to. I can't even accept the fact that this is how holidays, birthdays, and major milestones will be spent. Call me crazy, but I will never accept that this card was dealt for him, in this cold, cruel world.
Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday. He loved cooking, but more importantly he enjoyed spending time with his friends and family. To know he will never get that back, makes me utterly sick. Replaying every holiday in my head leaves me broken.
I wasn't able to order us lunch. The app was down and when I called they told me "oh I know why it won't work they don't deliver on holidays". I didn't think twice about it and broke the news to him two days prior so he can decide whether or not he wanted the visit. Since our visit was early it meant he would miss lunch which was a special one prepared with all the Thanksgiving fixings.
He opted for the visit and the vending machine steak hoagie (puke). I had two bags, (that's right you heard it here first) of combos! Yum. It's amazing how I won't eat them here, but it's the only thing I'll eat during our visit. I was anxious to see him today. Worried he'd be emotional.
He had a special visitor who made the 2.25 hour drive with me at 5am. He knew she was coming so it wasn't a surprise. It's been two weeks since I've seen him, and I broke down! He gave be the biggest hug and I sobbed, like the sissy I am. I had to quickly train my brain to think of something else before I started to hyperventilate. Eh.
He was excited to see his cousin. The conversation just flowed and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing them reminisce over childhood stories. He's a different man when he's surrounded by strong women.
He talked about his attempt in February and how his cellmate who witnessed the whole thing told him "dude you were done they quit doing CPR on you after 15 min. Then an older nurse came over and tried Narcan". John has no idea how long he was unresponsive, in fact I don't think any one does. He's starting to notice the effects it has had on him, mentally and physically.
Three hours isn't long enough, but honestly I can't complain. I know mothers and fathers, daughters and son's who aren't able to spend Holidays with their LO. While I wasn't expecting last year to be our last, I am still so grateful to have him to celebrate with, in the non-traditional way.
It's been an emotional week. I am grateful for my girls, family and friends, but I am so lost and broken without him. I will never get use to not having him here, or being with him. I can only pretend things are okay.
I know God's purpose/plan is greater than this. This isn't where John's story ends, and it certainly isn't where mine stops. Regardless of any outcome, I will continue to advocate for him and every individual who has been wrongfully charged/convicted based on lies, corruption, and manipulation.
Stay tuned, we're only a month away from the next chapter. Make sure you follow on tiktok (meow30154), and sign the petition. If you don't already know I am incredibly grateful for all of you!
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a: Love is patient, kind, and selfless, and it doesn't envy, boast, or rejoice in wrongdoing. Love is a way of relating to others, and it's a common denominator in how we relate to God, others, and ourselves
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