Expectations

Know what I've learned over the last 365 days? Aim high but keep your expectations low!

You learn who your true friends are, your ride or die. Unfortunately, a lot had their true colors come out over the last 365 days. Not that I expect to be coddled, but I'm constantly in fight or flight mode and I don't care about the drama you have going on in your life.

I'm sure that makes me the big "D" but I don't care. I try so hard to be supportive of everyone, and it's partially my fault for not setting boundaries with certain people. I just don't get it. Maybe I'm expected to go back to "normal". Maybe they're trying to give me some "normalcy" so it's not a constant reminder of how incredibly screwed up my life is, right now.

Technically, I don't consider my life to be a total disaster. I'm still breathing, advocating, and my girls are still amazing. I mean, I miss John tremendously, but I truly don't have a second of a day to "miss" him because I am constantly advocating for him. I can't remember the last time I felt anything.

I've sent another round of letters out tonight. Again, I'm hopeful someone will read it and be like "whoa this can't be real hmmm maybe I can help", but my expectation of that ever happening.... Ehhh, yeah, negative.

I'm all over the place anymore. Since the show is airing in a week I am trying to get as much public recognition as I can. I'm not sure how it's going to play out. Some people might be outraged with me, while others might think "nope guilty without a doubt". I am curious on how people are going to react when they see certain people giving their interviews. Hopefully you guys can see past the lies.

I'm anxious about it airing. I'm not sure I had any interest on what I looked like while filming, I just wanted to make sure John knew I supported him. Just keep in mind the camera always adds 20lbs!

My mind is blank these days, hence the delayed posts. I'm often pulled in so many directions it's hard to keep up. Nonetheless, KEEP PRAYING!! I need him home.

Hebrews 11:1: Faith is the assurance of what is hoped for and the conviction of what is not seen