Eighteen

I spent the next 18 months fighting with this man. He’d be MIA for months and send me an email asking for pictures of our girls. I obviously was still bitter at this point and refused. I laid into him about his choices and how he was the one who walked away. He never called for birthdays, or holidays. He never sent gifts or even a card. I specifically remember the 1st Christmas without him and buying extra gifts for my girls. I boxed them up and put them on the front porch Christmas morning as if UPS delivered them from him. They were ecstatic that their father had sent them Christmas gifts!

A year after that Christmas I got a call from an unknown number. I always answered the phone in fear it would be a call regarding his passing. With him being an addict I was always on edge. A quiet voice on the other line said “hey it’s ---“. I engaged in the conversation as politely as I could, but ultimately asked “what’s up, what do you want”? He told me that he made a huge mistake by marrying the other lady and wanted to move back to Ohio but didn’t have money or a place to stay. I ended up sending him the money for a bus ticket and convinced my best friend to let him stay with her until we could figure it out. Her kind soul didn’t question him staying and got the room ready for him.

I picked him up from the bus station and took him to the house. I helped get him settled and talked for a little bit before going home to get the girls. They didn’t know their father was back in town, and I wanted it to be a surprise. I picked them up and told them we were going to “Aunt A’s” house, they were always so excited to go there. I told their father to hide upstairs and to only come down when we were all in the kitchen. The girls were engaged in a conversation with their aunt when their father walked in. My oldest was hysterical when she saw him and gave him the biggest hug ever. She was shocked and speechless. My youngest, who was 4 at the time, appeared to be unphased. She hugged him but was kind of standoffish. My oldest stuck to him like glue.

I was excited to have him back but guarded as he has done countless times in the past. I was hopeful, but not dumb. Of course, my first question was “what happened with the wife”. His response, “she was crazy”. Aren’t we all when we become exes? We did the family thing for awhile until he went back into his addiction. I don’t know how or why I was so oblivious to it, looking back at all the signs makes me sick. He ended up confessing that he relapsed and needed help. He told me he contacted the ministry in Columbus and it’s a year long program but needs bus fair to get out there. He begged for forgiveness and said “I love you and I’ll be back for you and the girls but I have to do this”. He promised he would stay in touch weekly. I bought the bus ticket and took him to the bus station at 5am on a Saturday. We hugged good-bye and he said, “I love you”. I sat in the parking lot waiting for his bus to take off. I sobbed for hours watching him leave.

A few days later my girlfriend called me hysterical. She said my kid’s father stole two checks from her and cashed them leaving her in the negative. I immediately went to her house to investigate and was devastated when I saw copies from the bank with his signature. Absolutely mortified and enraged. I didn’t want to believe it and felt horrible he did that to one of my best friends. I ended up paying her back with part of my tax-return but was livid as he took from my daughters!  

Two weeks went by, and I finally heard from him. He was at a ministry and apologized for his actions, stating “I’ll pay you back I promise I’m sorry”. What did I do, I forgave him and confessed how madly in love with him I was and how I wanted him to be healthy so we could move on with our lives. You know, the white picket fence! He told me how treatment was going and how it was the “best” one he’s been to and how grateful he was to give back to the community. The conversation was brief and he said, “I got to go but I’ll call you soon”.

Days turned into months, and the months turned into years. Four years without a single word from him. Social media had just come out and I couldn’t even locate him on there. However, I was able to locate his biological mother, whom I never met. I ended up messaging her on Facebook and to my surprise she knew all about me and my girls. We started a relationship, and she informed me that “D” was living in Texas, married with twins! It took me four years to move on from him, to feel somewhat whole again. Imagine how I felt when I heard he was married with twins! Eh, I still get sick thinking about it.

My detective skills instantly came out and I found the wife. She had hundreds of pictures of them on Facebook. It appeared they were living the life I dreamt of. I eventually let it go and forgave him. I continued to have a relationship with his mother through emails and social media, until she found my number and called me with horrible news. She told me “D” was in a horrible accident and on life support at their local hospital. She said, “he isn’t going to make it I just want you to know so you can prepare yourself and the girls”. How do you prepare? I was distraught for days. Every emotion you could imagine consumed my body. I had no idea how to tell my girls, no idea what I would do. As the days went on, I would get updates from his mom. I think by week two she called me to let me know he was responsive, and she gave me the number to the hospital so I could call him.

I haven’t seen or talked to this man in four years, what do I say when he answers? I had absolutely nothing planned out, I figured I’d just engage in the conversation and see what he had to say. I called and he answered. I said, “hey how are you”? With a confused voice, he said “um okay”. I said, “do you know who this is”? No sooner did I ask; did I get the dial tone. He hung up on me. I’d like to think he hung up because he was embarrassed, but he wasn’t that kind of man. He hung up because he was caught, and his game was over.  

I waited a few days before I called him again, this time he answered and engaged in conversation. I wasn’t interested in his excuse, I simply wanted to let him know I was praying for him, and I hope he is happy and on the mend. He couldn’t talk much, but I did hear the “sniffle” in his voice. I wonder how it felt hearing that the women he destroyed and left four years prior, is still in your corner praying for your peace. Must have been a weight lifted.