I worked a double the night before my visit. I got off work at 12am, home by 12:40a, and in bed by 2am. I had to get up at 4am for our 8am visit. It's about a 2.5hr drive to Noble. I pulled in the parking lot around 7:30ish and stayed in the car for a little bit to give my TikTok update.
At 7:45am I decided to walk in. I had the CO my ID, give the inmate's name and usually he gives me a number back to sign in with. This time he says, "you sure you have a visit". Eh, yeah. I told him I scheduled one for the 6th and 13th. He said, "I see the 13th and 21st but not today". I am puzzled and slightly embarrassed. I said, "did I cancel it". He said, "I'm looking but I don't even see a cancelation". I'm annoyed at this point, at myself for screwing something so simple up!
The CO says, "I can let you in this time, but this will be your ONE and ONLY do you want to use it". No joke, I debated for a minute. Part of me was like "what if I screw up again and waste a trip down here for nothing". Then I thought "he knows I'm coming and if he's sitting in the back room not getting called out, he's going to think something happened". I cashed in on my one and only.
It's a Friday morning visit so it wasn't packed. I go to my assigned table and patiently wait for him to come out. Every single time I look for him to walk through the doors, he is lit up from ear to ear. So eager and excited to see him. It melts my little heart.
I explained to him what happened, and we laughed about it, because he knows how my brain works. Constantly on overdrive. We ate (that's probably where the 30lb weight gain came from), we laughed, we took our picture, laughed at the picture, and discussed the future. This was an unscheduled visit, and it was by far one of the best one's we've had.
I can't even remember what we talked about; I just remember looking at him longing for him to come home. When I look at him in his "blues" and dorky glasses, I get so heart broken and disgusted leaving him there. This isn't how our life is supposed to be, it's not how it should have started, and this can't be how it ends.
After the visit I went to get the youngest at college so she can come home and spend the weekend celebrating her grandma's birthday. We had dinner Friday night, and she got to sleep in her bed and unwind from campus life. I believe she needed it! I cooked an early dinner Sunday before making the 7hr trip to drop her off and come home. I am still trying to catch up on sleep!
Two short days with her, it wasn't enough. This weekend it's family weekend and I debated all week whether or not to go. Guess what? I'm going! I didn't do anything fun and exciting with my girls all summer, in fact I did the opposite. I spent my time, energy, and focus on other things while my kids consumed themselves with work and friends.
I work 65+hrs a week so I can do fun things with them. This summer was different. I will never understand how some of you do it. At my best I am still mediocre. Wherever you are in life, always count your blessings. Even on your worst days God is already prepared for your storm.
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