4th of July

We always celebrate my little brothers birthday at his favorite spot on the 4th of July. This year was no different. He was surrounded by his favorite people who love and adore him. The only time my mind doesn't race is when I'm occupied with family.

We came home from the celebration and both girls scattered with their SO's doing 4th of July things. I drove around for a little bit debating on whether or not to go into work. I convinced myself to go home and work on John's stuff, so that's exactly what I've been doing for the last 5 hours.

I don't know how many times I can watch this video, or read over reports before totally losing my mind. I might even be there, who knows. I went outside and the neighbor joined me in conversation in which I cut it short so I could go back in and work. I asked him if he ever saw the video from the news and he said "no". He then asked to see it, in which part of me wanted to tell him "NO" since he has hated John since the day I met him. Why, i'll never understand.

I went in the basement to get the laptop and played it for him at normal speed. I asked him if he noticed anything and he said "no but they beat the F out of him like beat him". He played it a second time at normal speed and still didn't pick up on the extra stuff. I then slowed it down for him 3-4x and he got excited and said "yeah there it is I see it". So then my question is, how did we not see it during trial. How did NO ONE see it during trial?

We talked about the case for 40 minutes and I'm telling him what I've seen/found. He then looks and says "be honest do you blame yourself". I looked at him for a brief second thinking about that question and responded "yeah". His next question left me kind of speechless. "Do you think that's why you're doing all of this is because you blame yourself"? My answer this time was "no".

Short answer, I do blame myself. Long answer, I think I've mentioned in another post how all of this transpired. It was from my birthday gift in 2022 that I so desperately wanted and begged for. I don't think I am researching, studying, and analyzing this case because I feel guilty. I'm doing it, because this man who I know I have only KNOWN for five years is NOT guilty of murder. If I thought for a second this was done with intent, I swear on everything I would have let him rot the second I found out.

There are always THREE sides to a story. His, Hers, and the Truth. So far, from what I've seen, read, and looked up HIS and the TRUTH are the only two stories that SEMI correlate with the video. John has said from day one when questioned with why he got out of the car the way he did was because he didn't know where his kid and grandkid were. When questioned with why he gave a "warning" shot, his response was "I swear he grabbed a weapon".

I debated on whether or not to post all of the stuff I found, especially since I haven't made contact with his attorneys yet, but I can't control myself. It's been FIVE months without him, and he deserves to have the truth told.

I was waiting for the episodes to air on A&E but that'll be another 3 months and I'm not sure we have it to spare. My mind races so much any more it's hard to formulate a thought, let alone a whole post. I've been struggling with what to write and how to write it, I usually do better when my thoughts are racing.

Every one is going to have their own opinion of John. While I appreciate the different feedback, no one (including me) knows exactly what was going through his mind that dreaded day. What I do know is John like many fathers would do anything for their children. I don't know how many times I've said "you F with my kids i'll come for you" and I meant it.

I am legit curious to know how all of you would have handled being in that situation. Truthfully, what would you have done? For those of you who haven't seen the video and are interested, let me know. You can even base your decision after you see the FULL 21 seconds.

Maybe I am guilty, maybe I am to blame. Regardless, I will continue to advocate for him until he gets a fair trial. There are so many missing pieces, it's actually scary!