I decided to check the docket on Thursday. I went to the Supreme Court of appeals, but nothing was posted. I decided to check the MCCPA website, and there it was. Criminal appeal "closed", meaning they had a decision.
I clicked the link and saw "affirmed". I opened the document to read it but had a panic attack and said, "screw it". I was so angry. I paced back and forth for 30 mins and went back to read it. Honestly, I don't get it. I'm not sure I ever will.
Our brief was better, our oral arguments were top notch. The way his attorney spoke compared to the prosecutor, it was a no brainer. Yet again, they lied. I have no choice but to laugh at this point, or I become hateful. When RED becomes hateful, it's all bad. I can do the most unthinkable things and not think twice about it.
I don't think you understand how bad I want to throw in the towel. How in the world can I continue to fight for someone when everyone is against you. What happened to ethical and moral beliefs? When did we lose sight of them? How can you knowingly lie under oath, lie in front of everyone? How? I'll never understand it!
I knew I had to tell John, but we just hung up from our nightly phone call. I tread telling him any bad news. I called his oldest friend and his boss to let them know. Maybe I was secretly hoping they would tell me "Don't tell him". Instead, they confirmed what I was already fearful of, another attempt. Deep down I knew this would kill him. How could it not?
I sent him a message asking him to call me back or at least call me first thing in the morning. He called Friday morning. I rushed to get the phone. I asked how he was and how he slept. I reminded him how faithful God is, even though I am beyond angry with him myself. I then said, "it got denied". All I heard was sobbing. I can't even get angry or frustrated with him, because that's all I did. I tried to find the words to calm him down and encourage him that we still have a "fight". I told him I did some research and there's other appeals and motions we can apply for.
I asked him to call me later and to get some rest, knowing he wouldn't call. He'd spend the day in bed isolating from everyone. I sent him a few messages throughout the day begging him not to give up, hoping something would connect with him and he'd call.
I got home from work, changed my clothes and jumped into bed. I hope you know I really don't jump into bed; the frame wouldn't hold all this extra weight (that was a joke, it's okay to laugh)! I took a 2-hour nap and woke up with the worst headache. Throbbing to where I thought I was stroking out. I grabbed some Advil and cereal and went back to bed.
I was just starting to doze off when I heard "I'm so in love with you, I hope you know" which is the ring tone I have set for him. I jumped up and grabbed the phone. I asked how he was and if he slept all day. His answer "eh yeah". Those 30-minute calls go quick. I asked if he was going to call me back and he said, "no I'm going back to bed". We said our goodbyes where it's always "I love you, say your prayers we'll survive this".
I put the phone down and had a conversation with God, more of a one-sided yelling conversation basically asking him "how can you do this to good people". How do lies and evil win over people who pray, and try to be good people? I truly don't understand.
I just started to doze off and the phone rang. It was babes. He seemed a little bit better but wanted to "vent". He's replaying everything in his head and he's mad, confused, and just as angry as I am. I listened and told him how sorry I was. Sorry for causing this nightmare situation.
Go back to my beginning posts for those of you just joining. I whole-heartedly caused this whole thing and continue to wreak havoc with the decisions I make. Cliff notes: I wanted a divorce for my birthday. I begged him to switch attorneys. I begged him not to take the deal, and I begged him to trust God. See the common denominator in all the negative? It's me!
His final call was at 11:30 last night. He never calls past 9p. I was grateful he was calling; hopeful we will survive this. We discussed the case and next steps during that call. We are still so undecided on what to do or where to go. I'm hesitant with making any more decisions and feel like I need an adult to help me out.
After our call my mind reverted back to Thursday, decision day. It dawned on me that it was 12.12.24, all those 2's back-to-back. I google searched the meaning of 2's and read...
In numerology, the number 222 is considered an angel number that symbolizes balance, harmony, and spiritual alignment. It's believed to be a message from the divine realm that can have many meanings, including:
Balance and collaboration
The number 2 is associated with duality and the desire for unity. The number 222 can encourage you to reflect on the dualities in your life and to approach situations with a sense of equilibrium.
Relationship guidance
The number 222 can be a reminder to focus on your heart connections, such as friendships, romantic relationships, and family ties.
Trust and patience
The number 222 can be a sign to have faith and trust that the path you're on is the correct one.
Spiritual awakening
The number 222 can signify that you are traversing a path toward a spiritual awakening. It can serve as a reminder that you are attuned to your higher power and experiencing a deep spiritual awareness.
Openness, expressiveness, and vulnerability
The number 2 is also associated with the moon, which symbolizes openness, expressiveness, and vulnerability
I had a little bit of hope after searching and was able to fall asleep before 1am.
Acts 2:22: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders, and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know.
We can appeal to the Ohio Supreme Court, but his case isn't guaranteed to get heard, so then what? There is a post-conviction relief he can file for, but that's only if new evidence is discovered. I know, in my heart that someone, somewhere KNOWS that this was a planned attack on John. I just need ONE person to not be a coward and come forward.
So many things went wrong during deliberation. Court officials who were present during the whole trial said, "this should have been a mistrial", but no one is willing to speak up and on record. In fear of retribution. Baffling, or maybe it's because I was raised different.
I pray and hope for those of you who are reading, if ever faced with a difficult situation, that you always go with the truth. You speak up to defend others, and you make your voice/concerns heard! For the sake of all people who don't have a voice!
While I am absolutely exhausted, anxious, and scared. I will take a few days to decompress before Chapter two begins. I have to get my mind right in order to keep fighting for him.
Keep Praying!!
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